She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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