Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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