So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
