And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
