She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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