Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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