I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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