four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
