I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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