I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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