If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
