I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
