Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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