I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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