I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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