I CAN MOONWALK!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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