It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
