I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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