eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
