I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
someone owes me an orgasm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
