Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
