strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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