Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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