I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
