DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
