Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
