Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
