come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
