Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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