i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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