I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
