He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
