I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
