margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was born a porn star she said
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
