you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
