Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize