making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
