How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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