one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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