I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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