Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
