Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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