I am spending my child support on dildos
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
