morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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