are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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