end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
