i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
