I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
