when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
her facebook's as public as her vagina
porn star boner night. come get it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
