All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
