I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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