Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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