Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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