we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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