i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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