I puked a lego.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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