I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
