Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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