i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
