Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
