You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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