a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
