If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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