My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
